Thief of ideas

Shamlessly stealing an idea from my sister in law, I am posting a couple of pictures that I took from the backyard of my house in Louisiana. It was of an amazing sunset. It wasn't the first one I saw either. Just one that I had promised myself to take a picture of if I had ever saw it again. And I saw it. And I took it. I am a sucker for a good sunset.

6 hours

That is how long I spent talking on the phone last night to my oldest and dearest friend, Cindi. Cindi and I have known each other since we were knee high to a grasshopper (not that either of us really grew much taller than that later on in life). Our friendship has endured for over 30 years, thousands of miles of separation, marriages, deaths, illness, awards, hate and love. She is as close to me as blood.

We talk about 4 or 5 times a month. We email and facebook each other more often. There is always something to talk about. When you are best friends with someone who grew up with you in the same neighborhood, then you are best friends with someone who understands what makes you tick. They knew you 'when'. Before the successes, before the gray hair and extra pounds. They knew you at your best, they knew you at your worst and they love you because of them and in spite of them. They keep your secrets and will take them to the grave.

What could we possibly find to talk about for 6 hours? I have never talked to ANYONE on the phone for 6 hours before. Well, it's amazing what you can talk about for 6 hours. We talked about anything and everything. And almost none of it was reminiscing. It was all new stuff. Of course her and I have our "remember when...?" conversations, but thankfully our friendship goes deeper than that. We truly care about what is going on in the lives of one another. We have the kind of friendship where we each have the other's parents phone numbers on our speed dial.
Our conversation last night was so refreshing and there is no other way I would have wanted to spend a Saturday night if I have to be here without my Eric anyway. I was still excited about our phone call when I finally went to bed at close to 1am.

My father always said if you find one real friend in your whole life, you are a lucky individual. Well I have known for most of our 30 year history that Cindi and I have attained that rare and special status and I am grateful every day of my life for it.

2009

I can hardly believe that 2009 is almost here. 2009! Shouldn't we be further along than we are right now? I know that in 1977 I was SURE that by the time we hit the year 2000, we'd be driving hovercrafts and have the ability to fly on our own private rockets. I am disappointed that I can't yet "beam" myself somewhere. And what about time travel??? I mean, time travel should be a GIVEN at this point, shouldn't it? I would totally travel back to a time when I could have bought "Google" at $10 bucks a share. Other than that, I'd probably just roam around different points in time to be able to see cool stuff. Moon landing, Plymouth Rock landing, Woodstock (but i'd be sure to beam myself up in front of the stage so I wouldn't have to deal with all the freaky whacked out flower children). I'd love to see Janis and Jimmi play live without having to deal with the crowds and things.

We should also have the power to make ourselves invisible. Like in Harry Potter. That would RULE. Right now, I would hitch a ride on a KC 135 that I knew was heading out to where my sweetheart is and surprise him. Whoo hoo!

For now, I suppose I can just hope that 2009 is a better year than 2008. I would sure like to still have my dad around (a new time travel destination perhaps?) Not that 2008 has been ALL bad. I did meet an amazing man, bought a fantastic house and got my dog back after all. And with any luck, I will have finished SOS before 2008 is over too.

Must have been difficult...

I have no kids so I realize that I may be speaking out of turn, but being a parent has got to be a tough job, even in the absolute best of circumstances. But being MY father must have been really difficult. I wasn't a rebel. I didn't break the rules. I wasn't a whiner and I never had to be told more than once to do or not to do anything. I know, really tough, huh? Well, I looked a lot different from most kids my age. Who am I kidding? I looked different than ALL the kids my age. I was significantly shorter than anyone for my entire childhood and teen years. And I was a late bloomer. Bad combination. I would have fit right in had I grown up in Tokyo.

Dad was great in that he never made me feel like there were things I couldn't do because I was so small. If I couldn't reach the sink to do dishes, I stood on a chair. If I couldn't reach the plates I stood on the counters. All that, but there was one thing he couldn't do...make me taller. And I was constantly bitching about things related to it. I wanted more than anything to look like the girls on the magazine covers. They were my age and they were wearing makeup and bikini's and had boobs! I remember one time we were in a store, I saw another magazine and asked my dad why I wasn't pretty. And when would I get my boobs. I must have been 16 or so (really late bloomer). I don't remember exactly what he said to console me this particular time, but whatever it was, it always worked. I know it had to have been difficult for him with me constantly asking about things that would never happen.

Today I was watching TV and saw a commercial for J'Adore perfume. It was a great commercial with this really hot, sexy, woman who was walking across a floor and taking things off in a frustrated, sexy manner until she was completely naked. Forget the perfume, I wanted to be HER! Tall, thin, hot, sexy. Sexy enough to be able to pull off walking down a long corridor while ripping off pieces of clothing and jewelery until I was completely naked and have it be a complete turn on to my man.

Reality is I could be thin as a rail and still never be tall enough to pull off "sexy". Cute maybe. But not "sexy". In addition, I'd probably trip and fall over if I was trying to walk and take stuff off at the same time. 37 years old and still not satisfied.

At least I finally got my boobs. Good ones too. And because they showed up so late, they still defy gravity. Of course if I hadn't gotten them naturally, I could have bought them. Can't buy 9 more inches of height and "sexy".

Happiness is...a garage

Today is a nasty, cold, rainy day here in North Carolina. But I had to run errands anyway. I plodded my way over to the closet to grab my jacket and as I reached for my keys, I remembered that I have a garage. A garage that keeps me dry when I get into and out of the car on nasty, cold, rainy days.

I know I have posted something similar to this before, but it means enough to me to say it again. I grew up poor enough to live in a house that had holes in the roof. It leaked when it rained and we had to have pots and buckets scatted all over the place to catch the water as it came in. When we had errands to run or groceries to buy, and we actually took the car (instead of walking there, like we usually did), if it was raining you would try and bring as many bags as possible into the house at one time so we would get rained on less. The idea of a garage was so foreign to me. I grew up knowing nothing different.

I bought my first house with a garage when I lived in Louisiana. I will never own another house without one. And every time it rains and I have to go out somewhere, EVERY TIME, I thank myself for my work ethic and my financial responsibility that allows me to afford a home that has a garage. Life is good.

Horse sense and Turkey day

I had a great Thanksgiving. Better than I ever thought possible without my dad, uncle, or Eric here with me.

In an unexpected turn of events, a friend of mine and her boyfriend were heading over to the house of one of the physician's at work. She, in turn, invited me to go with them. So I said sure. All I had planned to do was study anyway. But ya gotta eat, right? So I picked up a couple cases of soda as my contribution to the feast and off we went. The house we went to belongs to the physician, his wife, their kids and their horses. :) They have about 13 acres and 5 horses. And so I spent the afternoon with 4 other women riding horses. I hadn't been on a horse in 20 years. I came to realize a couple of things as we got close to the barn....first, horses are a lot bigger than I remembered them to be and second, I am not as brave as I was when I was 17 or 18. I was nervous as all hell. I got on the back of this beautiful horse named "Kid" who is, in horse height speak, "15 hands tall" and I felt like if I fell off this thing it was gonna hurt. But I didn't want to chicken out, so I was a good sport about it. Once I got used to it we rode around for about 2 hours. And it was a BEAUTIFUL day. It must have gotten up to 60 degrees outside. I couldn't get the smile off my face.

When we were done riding, we went inside and had our fill of traditional Thanksgiving feast. I left feeling fat, dumb and happy. Life is good. My friends' other half was there and he took a bunch of pictures of our horse riding excursion. I'll post them as soon as I get them. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

The Laminated List

Most people know what the "Laminated List" is. If I am not mistaken, it may have come from an episode of "Seinfeld". It's a list that holds the name of 5 famous people (no real people or people you know personally) who you would be given a free pass to have sex with, even if you were married, in the event that they would suddenly show up on your doorstep and insist that they would want to have sex with you too. No repercussions. My list contains the following 5 people:

Bruce Willis
Kevin Costner
John Travolta
Blair Underwood
Johnny Depp (providing he showered before hand)

My list used to have Christopher Reeve on it too, but since he's no longer alive, I felt it was only fair to put a new name in his place (welcome to Johnny Depp!). If there was any question, should anyone else on the list happen to die, there are runner's up waiting in the wings...


The Sister

The market sucks

What the hell was I thinking? Both of my stocks have gone south. South for the winter! Well hopefully it will only last through the winter. One of them has gone so low it's almost disappeared. It's lower than I am. And I am pretty darn low. I have to breathe! Deep breath in...KEEEHHH....long breath out...Hooooooooooohh....

Maybe the stress from this particularly painful market run will trigger some weight loss! See! I am an optimist!!!

Investing like a pro!

About three months ago, I was riding high in the stock market. Stocks were strong and I was a-smilin' daily! Now, however, is a different story. Yeah...not so much smilin' any more. That being said, when I thought my main stock couldn't go much lower I did what my Uncle Dan would have done...I bought more! Then it promptly plummeted another 10 points. What's a woman to do? I'll tell you; I call it "Cry-n-Buy" which is exactly what I did. I Cried as I hit the 'execute' button on my USAA investment account purchase request. To quote my late, great, Uncle Dan, who is no doubt saying from the great beyond..."I hope you know what you're doing". I hear ya, Uncle Dan. I hope so too.

No fences

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that someone stole the fence I just put up around my back yard. It's a really nice 6 foot wooden privacy fence I had installed and someone just came by in the middle of the night and stole it. They left like one or two 8 foot sections, I don't know, maybe just as proof for my insurance company that one was actually there to begin with, but the rest of it was just gone. Both gates, the posts, even the concrete.

I wonder where the hell that dream came from?

One track mind

I had a good day today. I went to lunch with a friend of mine and when her and I were in the car on the way home, I was telling her about a funny email I got from my other half, I was laughing so hard as I was telling her about it I could barely speak. I laughed until my eyes were tearing and my stomach hurt. It was great to laugh like that. I think we should all laugh like that at least once a day.

I miss my sweetheart, but I have successfully gotten through the first full week without him. It is all downhill from here, right? RIGHT?

Missing him...

Anyone who knows me knows me as a satisfied single woman. Never have I felt the need to be in a relationship. Never had the desire to get married. Very content at the life I have created for myself. Never lonely. My own best friend. Fast forward to three months ago...

Met me a man. A good man. A charming man. A man who flew in under my obviously malfunctioning radar. Sneaky, this one is too! His name is Eric. We were just friends. Developing a good solid friendship. Then he turned the tables on my unsuspecting self and kissed me. He very quickly went from being only my friend, to being my sweetheart. Fast forward to yesterday...

My sweetie left for deployment yesterday. I am experiencing emotions I have never felt. I found myself getting teary eyed several days prior to his leaving. I was teary because I knew I would miss him. I was teary because I was afraid of missing him. I was teary because I knew I would worry about him. There are very few people that I know who I would have to worry about less than my Eric. He's very good at what he does and I know I don't need to worry, but the common sense that comes with knowing that has been overridden by this new emotion I am experiencing. One that doesn't allow you to separate the fact that your sweetie is good at what he does and the fact that he is your sweetie and THAT is why you worry.

I gave my sweetheart a hug and a kiss goodbye, got in my car, and drove away. My head was spinning as I headed off base. And not in a good way. It was a rough first night. It's a rough first day. But I am already looking forward to sending him care packages and kisses though the mail.

The wonders of the NCC

Currently I am on a business trip (what's known as a "TDY" in the military) to Virginia. It's called the "Leesburg Conference". Even though the conference center is not physically IN Leesburg, it's actually in Lansdowne, VA it's still called the Leesburg conference. Whatever.

The Conference center, formally called The National Conference Center (or the NCC as the post title refers to), is a compound that was built by Xerox way back in the days of TQM and TQL. That was what they used to call things like Six Sigma and AFSO 21 now a days. It was built to be 'genius' and 'efficient' in it's design and layout. You eat here, sleep here, have conference sessions here, classes here, on and on. And I will be the first to tell you, it's the most F*CKED UP LAYOUT EVER CREATED. There is no rhyme or reason to where your room is or where the conferences are. It's built in series of underground tunnels that are so confusing that the top medical minds of the Air Force can't figure out where to go.

I would really like to meet the person who came up with this design, and then meet the approval authority who said "This is bloody brilliant! Go with it!" and bitch slap 'em both.

Speaking of dying...

Actually, more like THINKING I was going to die...

At about 4:15 this morning my dog, Macy, alerted to something. It doesn't happen very often, but I just assumed it was a squirrel or something animal related running in the yard. About 3 minutes later the smoke alarms went off in my house. Now I may have blogged about this previously, but in case I didn't allow me to shed some background light on fire alarms and me...

During the past year I spent in Korea, I lived in a dorm. And in that dorm, the fire alarm went off about 17 times, always in the middle of the night. And every time it would go off we would have to get up, go outside in the cold, and wait for the fire department to 'clear' the building so we could take our weary asses back in and go back to sleep.

Back to this morning...the smoke alarms in my house go off. In my sleepy state, I reverted back to being in Korea. I was PISSED. I slowly got up, opened my eyes and Macy barked again. Oh fuck. I am not in Korea. The alarm is in my house. I go out into my hallway and can both see and smell smoke. Fuck. I have to save Macy. "MACY!" I shout. Wait, I have no clothes on. Fuck. Throw on jeans and shirt. All of which are inside out and/or backwards. Grab the following...Macy, phone, computer. These were the things on my mental list of "items i would save if ever in a fire". How neat that you remember that during times of panic. What you don't think about however, is that while you are trying to remember how to disconnect the cable from the back of the computer, visions of fire blocking you from getting downstairs and out the door fill your mind and you wonder if it's worth saving the computer if it means having to leap like Superman out your second story window.

Get downstairs, put dog and computer in car, back car out of garage a safe distance from house. Leave car running in case it needs to be moved farther away from house. Go back inside house, phone in hand, still see and smell smoke. It's gettin' real. Dial 911. Pace around house while 911 operator listens to you rant about having just bought the house and amusing you as you ask if you should open door to attic. I'm convinced it's coming from there. I am afraid enough to NOT open attic. Enter bonus room. The smell of something burning is overpowering. This is insane. Think "thank god I bought insurance". Put hands on doors of bonus room interior to see if they feel warm (remembered that one from elementary school, thank you). They don't. Still convinced my attic is in flames. Where are the fire people dammit??? Right, I live in bumfuck North Carolina. It's a 10 mile drive from the closest fire department. Go outside. Look up at house. Fully expect to see home's attic engulfed in flames. No flames. Wow. Maybe I will get lucky.

First fire person arrives. It's a volunteer firefighter. I bring him into house. We go upstairs. He the smells smoke too. But the smell has diminished somewhat from what it was before. He asks, did you turn your heat on for the first time last night? Nope. Did that yesterday. It was on a couple times during the day. Still, never thought of that. Would new heating generate enough smoke and heat to set off my alarms?? Apparently so.

The good news is that the fire people said that I was the 6th house that night this happened to. I guess all's well that ends well, no?

If I died, what would I want people to remember about me?

This was kind of fun to write. Not nearly as morbid as I thought. Or maybe it is and I am just wierd. Anyway, here it is:

I would want people to remember how happy I was. I would want people to think of me as someone who lived life and enjoyed life. I hope that people would speak about me and not ever be afraid to bring up my name in conversation. It's good to remember people you liked and it's enjoyable to talk about them. It helps to keep their memory alive.

I hope that when people speak about me the sentence always starts with a laugh and something like..."...Ilisa always did this thing that was so funny..."

I want people to smile when they think about me. Hell I hope there are memories of me that make people laugh out loud on a regular basis. Perhaps it'd be ok if people shed a tear or two because they miss me, even if it's several years after I am gone. It's humbling to be thought that highly of.

I want people to remember how much I loved Halloween no matter how old I got. I want people to think of me and smile every time they see anything related to Snoopy.

If GOD FORBID i was to die young those around me would have to put their own feelings aside and remember that I would want to donate my organs. Also I truly hope that they would remember that I felt very strongly that quality of life is WAY more important than quantity of life.

I hope people remember me with respect. I hope people remember me as a good person. Perhaps someone they'd be proud to have their children emulate when they become adults. I hope people remember my work ethic and never as someone who was lazy, apathetic, or disingenuous. I hope people remember me as honest, trustworthy and generous.

Mostly I hope that the people I loved never had to question how much I loved them.

MySpace and Facebook and Plaxo...oh my!

So I get an online invitation today from an old friend and previous work colleague to "accept her invitation" to Plaxo.  Apparently I joined Plaxo at some point, but I don't remember doing it.  I am now connected with her through Plaxo, Facebook, myspace and Linkedin.   I am guessing that there are even more out there that I don't know about.   Interestingly enough I have people that I know on all four that may or may not also be on the other three.  Mostly people I have worked with at one time or another.  I find that Facebook has lots of people from my high school days that I hadn't heard or even thought about in close to 20 years.  It's been a hoot and a half catching up with those folks!   Facebook and MySpace is mostly people I worked with when I was still doing the corporate America gig.   Same with Linkedin.  I am not quite sure which direction Plaxo is heading yet.   I suppose it isn't all bad.  To be honest, if it wasn't for internet networks, I probably wouldn't have any networks at all. 

I regret not updating this blog more often than I do.  I find that over the years it has changed somewhat from being all about my life in the Air Force to being just about my life in general.  I suppose it takes a bit of an ego to write about your life in a forum where others can simply click on your link and read about you.  Do I really think I am that interesting?  Not really.  But it's a cool outlet.  I can write what I want, when I want it and offer up no apologies on anything I spew forth.  It's my blog, dammit. 

Besides, I met a man recently and he's got the link.  Suppose I should make an effort now to update more often.  No pressure or anything though (hi Eric!).

Ten great things going on in my life

Life is good.   I am giddy and excited about all that is happening right now.  Here is a list of 10 great things happening or are about to happen in my life!

1.  I got promoted to Captain!  For those of you who remember the movie Stripes,  I am now "Captain Stillman".  Lucky for me, most of the people I work with are too young to remember John Laroquette's infamous character in the movie.  Also lucky for me, unlike Laroquette, I am a woman.  :)

2.  I am leaving Korea in 2 weeks and 4 more days!

3.  I am going to North Carolina which, in my opinion is one of the most beautiful states on the east coast.

4.  Bought myself a great house with 4 bedrooms and a big yard (see picture!)

5.  I will get my doggy back!  I can't wait to see my Macy Moo again!

6.  I will get my car back!  I can't wait to drive my car again.  

7.  My boss loves me.  It's a really big deal when your boss loves you.   It can make or break your daily life and mine is awesome.

8.  My coworkers love me.  See #7 for why this is a good thing.

9.  When I get back to the states, I get to and become a shoe-whore again.

10.  I had a pedicure today to prepare for # 9, and my toes look pretty.

Reflections

One year in Korea has come and gone.  I'm still here, but on my way out.  21 more days and I will be back on U.S. soil.  For the 3rd time in 12 months. 

I came here to Korea knowing full well that I would be gone for a year.  No mid-tour, no leave, nothing.  I was gunning it out for the full 12 months, then taking 30 days to visit my family in between my move from Korea to North Carolina.   Then life happens.  This past year has been both the best and worst year of my life.  The first 6 months were wonderful.  I traveled to China, became confident in my new role as the Executive Officer at the hospital where I work, and met some of the best people in the world.  The next 6 months started with the death of a great man, my uncle Dan.  The original Godfather and a true testament to the term "family man".  I had such a tremendous amount of love and respect for my uncle and developed an appreciation for his quirky brilliance as an adult.  The respect continued to grow into true admiration and no matter how much time passes, his legacy will live on in the lives of the members of our family. 

Four short months later came the greatest loss I have ever known.  The loss of my father, Norman Stillman (aka Hunter Silvastorm).  There are no words to put into perspective what my father means to me.  Everything I am, I am because of him.  I am proud of who I have become.  I am proud of what I do.  I am proud of how far I have come in this life.  All of this, and all I am, I owe to him.  I am not the same person I was 3 months ago when he was still alive.  I miss him every day.  The hardest part is not being able to pick up the phone and call him.  We talked every morning and every evening.  Even while I was here in Korea and my morning was his evening and his evening was my morning.  There was no one on this earth I enjoyed conversing with more than dad.  Work, life, politics, movies, scruples, business, TV shows, science, nature, dogs, family, love. 

Dad and I knew how special our relationship was.  I was daddy'slittle girl in every sense of the word.  Rest peacefully, dad.  Tell mom I love her.

Tomorrow..."Happier times ahead"

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