The No-Sex Spreadsheet

There was a story recently about a woman whose husband sent her a spreadsheet documenting how often he’s tried to initiate sex vs how often she said “no” and the reasons she gave.  The woman then used Reddit (a site I haven’t a clue about, by the way) to tell her tale of woe, prefacing her attempt to convey a can-you-believe-what-my-husband-did-to-me angle, by calling him “immature”.  I saw a news clip on CNN about this story and the direction they chose to report was a communication-in-marriage issue.  Ok, I get that.  But let me tell you my take on it…

I’m a spreadsheet kind of person.  I like me some facts.  I enjoy tracking things.  I really, really love finding patterns in events, issues, and time.  It’s just the way my brain works.  I’m guessing this woman’s husband’s does too.  I would be willing to bet dollars-to-donuts (because I am also a donut kind of person) that a conversation took place between the two of them that went something like this:  Husband:  Wanna have sex?  Wife:  Not tonight, I have a headache.  Husband:  You know, sweetheart, you seem to say “no” a lot.  We almost never have sex any more.  Wife:  I do NOT say “no” a lot.  I say “yes” way more than I say “no”.  We have PLENTY of sex.”

Now, a spreadsheet kind of person, who is all about the facts, starts going back in his mind thinking about all the times she said “no”.  He knows she’s mistaken.  It’s not even a matter of opinion.  His wife’s take on the matter is factually incorrect.  But he doesn’t have solid proof and numbers.  Out comes the spreadsheet.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  The problem people have with it is that the spreadsheet was about sex.  I don’t see it that way.  This is about her insisting she was right about something when in fact she was wrong.  He proved it to her.  Period. 

The spreadsheet could have been about ANYTHING.  For instance; when my husband drives us somewhere and he puts his truck in reverse, sometimes he’ll knock the windshield wiper do-hicky thing with his elbow or something and they turn on.  Not really his fault.  I’m guessing the design and placement of it isn’t all that great and people who own that particular make/model of truck do the same thing.  Yet the other day when I laughed after he did it again, he said “What”?  I said “You turn on the windshield wiper all the time when you put it in reverse and it’s funny”.   To which he replied “I don’t do it all the time.  That hardly ever happens.”  Trust me on this one folks…my mental spreadsheet came out and I thought about tracking it from that moment on so I can show him that he DOES do it all the time.  Maybe not EVERY time, but often enough that it makes me giggle because he does it a lot.  I ultimately decided against going that route.  This time.  There will be other more worthy battles, I’m sure.

My point here is that his wife was wrong.  Instead of looking at the spreadsheet and saying, look at that, you’re right and I’m wrong (you’re still not getting sex and the way you proved your point pissed me off so much that you may not get any for months), she instead threw it out there for the world to see.  She probably doesn’t even realize that she further proved HIS point and HER wrongness to the masses.