The power of money

I love the show Say Yes To The Dress. I loved it before I got engaged and love it even more now that I am getting married. Since my deployment I have been relegated to watching episodes that cost me $2.00 a piece, take a full 5 hours to download, and I watch them on my borrowed-from-Eric iphone's 2x3 inch screen. Don't care. Grateful to see it. Even if it is in miniature.

Tonight's show featured a bride-to-be who came in with her mom to shop for her dress. The bride-to-be had a set budget of $5,000. She was paying for her own dress. Props! Now, in what was a very generous gesture, her mother comes in to the dressing room with a gift box. Inside the gift box is literally a blank check. Her mother decided she wanted her daughter to have an unlimited budget and as a gift, decided to pay for her daughters dress.

She had already tried on a couple of dresses (prior to the blank check gift) and the dresses the bride liked weren't necessarily the ones her mom liked. And vice versa. Cut to one of the knowledgeable consultants, who have been doing this for years, and they say that it changes the playing field when mom (or anyone else) is paying for the dress. Suddenly, they have a say in what dress you ultimately chose. *Queue sound of needle scratching across record here!* EXCUSE ME?

I have gotten some fantastic one-liner money advice in my lifetime. Here are two examples: "Never invest anything that you are not willing to lose" (Thanks uncle Dan!)and "Always view money you give to family, friends, co-workers or anyone, as a gift that you will never see again." (Thanks dad!) Don't get me wrong, if you give money to someone and they come to you the next day to pay it back, don't turn it down. By all means accept it. But never EXPECT to see it again. I have seen first hand how money has come between friends, family, and others and ruin relationships. SO not worth it.

Over the years I have developed my own views about the giving of money. When you make a decision to give money away, be it to family, friends, or whomever, you also need to be willing to give up ANY say in how they spend it. If a family member comes to you and says, I need $50 to pay my electric bill or they are going to shut off my lights and you give them $50 and they turn around and spend it on beer and cigarettes, so be it. You can always decide to never give them money again. You are not their boss, you are not a bank, you are not their mother (ok, maybe you are their mother, but this is not applicable to a parent who is trying to TEACH fiscal responsibility to an 8 year old). Money should NEVER come with strings attached.

Watching this particular episode, I have no doubt that this mom REALLY just wanted to give her daughter a very generous gift. It made her feel good. But perhaps, in her mind, she thought that her opinion should count for something since she was now paying for the dress. THIS, I have a real problem with. If you were with me when I was shopping for my wedding dress and you generously offered to make my budget unlimited, but there was a stipulation that YOU had to be happy with the dress as well, I would thank you profusely and then graciously return your check.