Childless-by-choice, Cameron? OWN IT.

As a fellow card-carrying member of the childless-by-choice club, I think it’s great that the actress Cameron Diaz publicly shared some of her reasons when asked about it recently.  As a person in the public eye, I’m sure she had her reasons for explaining her child-free life using the words she did.  But I would like to take on one of the statements she gave as her “reasons” and give my opinions on them…not that anyone asked. But hey, that’s the beauty of being me.  I don’t care that you didn’t ask.  I’m going to tell you anyway, and you can choose not to listen (or “read” as it were).

One thing Diaz said was, “Not having a baby might really make things easier, but that doesn’t make it an easy decision."  I understand the point she is attempting to convey, but that’s the wrong way to put it.  Breaking this statement down into two parts, if you HAVE children, then you shove them off to the grandparents for a weekend sanity-check, things WOULD get easier for the parents during that weekend.  However, NOT having children doesn’t ‘make things easier’.  Those of us who chose to live a child-free life simply chose not to add that complexity into the mix to begin with.  But to say that it ‘makes’ things easier is a misnomer.  Life isn’t “easy” when you don’t have children.  Trust me.  Our difficulties may not be the same, but I resent the insinuation that they are somehow “easier” because they don’t involve children. 

The other half of that statement was “… but that doesn’t make it an easy decision."  The problem I have with this part is that she is making herself out to be some sort of martyr.  If you don’t want to have children, then you shouldn’t have children.  A “decision” would be if she WANTED to have children but then CHOSE not to.  She was very clear in the interview when she stated “I was just never drawn to being a mother.”  She never wanted kids to begin with, which is perfectly acceptable.  But that would be like me saying it was a “tough decision” not to have kids.  Anyone who knows me know that there was no decision about it.  I didn’t want kids.  I never wanted kids.  I will never want kids. I was lucky enough to marry a man who didn’t want children.  It wasn’t a ‘decision’, it just simply…was.

I understand that my spewing here may come across as nitpicky, but I am very passionate about this subject.  I have long felt that there are so many women out there who never should have had children to begin with (my own biological one included, sadly) and if they were just honest with themselves from the get-go, there would be fewer resented, unwanted, and neglected children.  You fessed up, Cameron Diaz, which is certainly commendable, but you didn’t really own it.