"Merry Christmas" - One Non-Theist's Viewpoint

As a child who grew up Jewish in a predominantly Catholic neighborhood, we shared many of our holiday traditions with one another. The families on ‘the block’ knew we were Jewish, we knew they were Catholic, and for the most part I believe we respected, understood, and celebrated our holiday times together. Even so, as a youngster I do remember taking a defensive stance when people would say “Merry Christmas” to me or people in my family because I found it rudely presumptuous to simply assume that everyone believed as you did.

Now that I am an adult, secure in myself, my morals, ethics, and my atheist views, I no longer feel defensive around Christmas time when people extend wishes to me for a “Merry Christmas”. I have never been a militant atheist anyway, and a wish for a “Merry Christmas” is just that…a thoughtful expression for good will that is seasonally appropriate. It is a very different animal than proselytizing. No one can look at you and know that you are a believer vs a non-believer. We live in a country where most of its citizens happen to be those who are believers that celebrate Christmas. If you say “Merry Christmas” to a stranger, you’re going to be right the vast majority of the time.

There are plenty of militant believers out there who are going to go around saying “Merry Christmas” to people simply hoping to get an argumentative response from a non-believer so they can invoke a fight and preach their cause. There are also plenty of non-believers out there who will wait for that “Merry Christmas” so they can call out the ignorance of believers. You know what? Let ‘em find each other. Let them duke it out and put sour note in the one time of the year when people are genuinely happy, friendlier, and kinder to one another.

I say all that to say this…when someone says “Merry Christmas” to me, I say “Merry Christmas to you as well.” When my husband and I wake up on Christmas morning, we will say “Merry Christmas” to one another and I’ll kiss him on the nose. As Christmas day goes on, I will probably send 20 texts to friends and loved ones that say “Merry Christmas and love to you all!” It’s the right thing to do and the right time of year to do so. To spite a well-wish from anyone serves no purpose.

Merry Christmas!

What's In a Date?

July 4th, December 25th, February 14th.  We all think of the same thing when we hear these dates.  I don’t have to tell you what those dates stand for.  You already know.  They are ingrained in our psyche.  They are part of our culture.

I suppose in that regard, I am no different than everyone else.  But that’s about as far as it goes for me.  You see, I am not a ‘date’ person.  As the woman-card flies from my grasp, I don’t remember “special” dates. Eric’s birthday, our anniversary…you know, the ones that would earn some pour soul a night on the couch for forgetting.  I am simply one of those, I guess.  Eric is a lot better with remembering dates than I am.  He is kind enough to remind me that my birthday is approaching, or even our anniversary.  Whereas for me a special ‘date’ can come and go and I am oblivious.

People always seem to remember important dates in their lives.  The date he proposed.  The date you got married.  The date you lost a loved one.   Heck, growing up in a Jewish household, we go so far as to have the lighting of the yahrzeit candle on the anniversary of a loved one’s death.  Every year.  It’s a nice sentiment with a logical purpose that I am familiar with and understand, I suppose.  But I still don’t do it.  I chose to remember as the memories naturally occur.  Not via some forced additional day of mourning.   It would just be yet ANOTHER date that I'd forget to remember.

I guess I've always just been the kind of person who remembers EVENTS.  I can’t tell you the exact date that my dad passed away, or that Eric proposed, but I’ll bet that I can describe to you minute by minute of the event itself.   Where I was, what I was doing, the time of day, the season, the order of events, everything leading up to the event and some things that took place after.

Not remembering the date it actually happened doesn't change the significance of the event for me.   The first time Eric and I kissed was life-changing for me.  Every now and again I think about it.  It always makes me smile.  And every now and then I tell him I’m thinking about it.  Isn't that more important than hovering over some date on a calendar? 

My Ears Are OVER IT!

Disclaimer:  This is a first-world problem.  Don't care.

A few months back the FCC or (whoever) passed a bill or law or something that stopped allowing the volume of commercials to be louder than a TV show.  I have extremely sensitive hearing.  Most things that have a louder than, say, indoor speaking decibel to it actually causes me physical pain in my ears.  Even every day sounds like cars on the road, the “done” indicator beep of a microwave, groups of people talking (like in a lunch area or kitchen) bother me.  Do I expect the world to adjust to my weird-ass ear issues?  Nope.  But I do remember being thrilled about this law.  I even remember noticing a difference for the first few weeks or so. 

Now, however, as seems to be the case with ANY federal mandate or law that gets passed, the people who control the volume have simply figured out a loophole.  I've noticed that where I used to be able to hear a show at a certain volume level on my TV, that I now have to have it up a few notches to hear it the way I used to.  The sound is not nearly as loud that the volume level would indicate it should be.  But when a commercial comes on, the volume level suddenly matches to what the TV volume is adjusted to, making the commercial louder again than the TV show.  Making me hit the ceiling every time a commercial comes on. 

So TECHNICALLY the commercials AREN'T at a louder volume than the show, they have just decreased the sound level of the show!  REALLY???  Do they think we are that stupid???  Fuckers.

Starbucks Barista: An Introverts Last Resort

Tonight I had to have some paperwork notarized.  Unbeknownst to myself and the notary, one of the papers required not one but TWO witnesses (neither of which could be the notary).  

It's very rare that being an introvert creates any inconvenience in my world.  But in situations like this, it does. You see, I don't know anyone. By "anyone" I mean people that non-introvert types might just "know" as part of every day life.  Local friends.  Neighbors.  Co-workers.  Well, I do know some co-workers.  Ones who would probably have no problem with me saying, "Yo, I need a witness!", if we were in the office.  But this is "DC".  It's a huge area that spans VA, MD, and DC.  When you need a signature NOW, it's not that simple.  The closest person you know might be two hours away.  The only person I know "locally" is Eric.  But he's deployed. 

Not knowing anyone is perfectly fine with me. It's not even something I think about.  Obviously a witness doesn't have to be someone you know, but would you be willing to shell out your license, and sign your name to papers for a complete stranger?  I'd be hesitant.  Who am I kidding?  I would be all HELL NAH.  Ultimately I sucked it up and knocked on the door of a neighbor that I've waved "hello" to on rare occasions.  Lucky for me, he was willing. But I still had to find a second person.  The notary lives two hours away so he didn't know anyone local either. Seriously.  It would have been easier to have Macy dip a paw in some ink and smack the paper with it.  Don't think I didn't suggest it, either.   

But then I had an epiphany.  There ARE people I know.  LOCAL people.  Less than a mile from home, local! People I see and talk to every single day.  Even sometimes for more than just small talk.  Who are these people you may wonder?  STARBUCKS BARISTAS!  Yes, you read that right.  I got into my car, the notary followed me, we drove down to the Starbucks and lo-and-behold, one of the AM barista's happened to be working the evening shift.  She was more than happy to be my 2nd witness.  

First world problem?  Probably. Introvert problem?  HELL YES.  

Military Crawling With Violent Sex-Crazed Men? I Think Not.

BOTTOM LINE UP FRONT:  The military is NOT filled with a bunch of bottom-feeding, women-stalking, violent rapists. 

There are no perfect sectors of society.  Every city, town, country, and place of business can have an asshole or two in their employ.  I really take issue with the stories that media outlets are putting forth (not limited to left or right, all are guilty) highlighting the hesitation of female Americans to join the military because they are afraid of being raped.  As if there’s some huge infestation of insolent men creeping around looking for women to rape.  REALLY???  I’ve been enlisted.  Now, I’m an officer.  I’ve been stationed overseas, stateside, and deployed to the AOR.  I’ve even been deployed in an environment where I was one of only THREE females in the ENTIRE UNIT and the ONLY female in my living quarters.  I’ve never had an issue, and don’t know any other female who has had an issue.  Oh, and for the record, looks have very little to do with it.  Not that I'm a troll or anything...

Have I heard of incidents where people get drunk and put themselves into positions that put them at risk (both female and male)?  Of course.  But so has everyone.  Those are no different than any number of incidents that I witnessed as a civilian out at a club on any given Friday or Saturday night. 

Are there women who are sexually assaulted in the United States?  Yes there are.  Are there women who are sexually assaulted in the military?  Yes there are.  But it’s not any more prevalent in the military than it is in the civilian world.  They can twist those statics so they look however they want them to look.  

As a CIVILIAN in South Florida I saw drunk-ass women get taken advantage of in nightclubs, I’ve seen men spike drinks with god-only-knows-what, and “help” carry these girls who could no longer forward-mote on their own out to their cars or wherever they were taking them.   

But in my 22 years of eyes-wide-open experience since enlisting I personally know of no questionable incidents, even NOT limited to accusations of sexual assault, that couldn’t have been prevented had individuals taken responsibility for their own actions, maintained control of their faculties, or knew when to say ‘when’.   The same holds true in the civilian world.  The rules that govern military society don’t condone this behavior any more than the civilian world does.  As a female member of the military I resent the picture that’s being portrayed otherwise.

Soapbox alert! Cash vs Insurance Medical Practices

Today I read an article on CNN Business regarding the small but growing change in physician practices from traditional insurance-accepting businesses to cash-only practices.  Hooya!  I love it when a person can run a business how they chose.  The article highlighted two primary care doc’s and one general surgeon.  It talked about how each came to adopt a business model that is a cash only practice from one that accepted insurance.  Their reasons were everything you’d guess them to be, from insane hassles with insurance companies, lower payouts, higher overhead costs just to hire people who can siphon through all the paperwork required to file claims, etc.  Each of the doc’s recommended their patients have a high-deductible insurance policy to help cover potential costs outside their scope of practice such as serious or catastrophic illness/injury.  Ultimately the doc’s who switched get to spend more quality time with each patient, lower their overhead, eliminated the hassle of dealing with insurance, and were happier over all in both their practice and their personal lives.  Win-win for everyone!

Then they interview this woman, Kathleen Stoll, who is the director of health policy at the consumer advocacy group Families U.S.A.  This woman’s argument against this type of practice was, and I quote: “They cherry-pick among their patient population to serve only the wealthier ones.”  THAT’S YOUR ARGUMENT?  That’s what business is, moron!  That’s what makes people who run businesses, medical or otherwise, successful!  Do you think the company that sells Lamborghini’s or Maserati’s are marketing their product to the average “Joe”?  Hello no!  You have Ford, and Chevy to cover that market. 

She then tries to make the argument that perhaps the patients are being put at some higher risk.  Um, excuse me…being a cash-only practice doesn’t make a physician exempt from providing the standards of care set forth by the various certifying entities (OSHA, JHACO, etc.) any more than Lamborghini can manufacture a vehicle without seatbelts. 

Whether the business is medicine, cars or even food, it's no different.  Burger King has to follow the same rules set forth by the department of public health as Ruth’s Chris does, but you know what?  Ruth’s Chris “cherry-picks” among the population to market their product to the ones who can afford to eat there.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Ever. 

Of course, I still can’t afford a Lambo…

No regrets?

As a member of the military we work with literally hundreds of people over the course of our careers.  We develop friendships with people that in other circumstances, perhaps we wouldn’t.  People that you may not have much in common with otherwise.  I have several of these friends that were part of a small group of us that spent a harrowing 14 month together in Korea.  One of them is a woman that I have spoken of to others as “one of my favorite people on the planet”.   Very few people earn that distinction from me.  She happens to outrank me, but she’s a person who I just enjoy being around.  So smart and so driven that it’s almost scary.  But also the kind of person who brightens a room, brightens a day, and brightens a life.  She’s not my mentor or professional confidant or anything of the sort.  Our friendship is not based on what she can do for me or I for her.  Its foundation was built from simply being thrown into the same circumstances.  We understood each other as only someone who’s ‘been there too’ could.

As our time in Korea drew to a close, and the day came to say our goodbyes, numbers and emails were exchanged, hugs were shared, tears were shed.  We knew that at the same time tomorrow, thousands of miles would separate us.  Careers would take us in different directions, and we may never see one another again.  Then one day out of the blue, as so often takes place in the profession of arms, it happens.  You are walking down the hallway of your building that houses 3,000 other military members and you catch each other’s eye.  All military bearing goes flying out the window as you both let out screams of delight and almost knock each other over in an embrace that was 4 long years in the making.   Tears are shed again…

We were so excited to see one another.  We only work a hallway away.  We don’t live that far apart either.  Oh the fun we will have!   We’ll do lunch! We’ll have dinner together!  We’ll go SHOPPING!  Then things come up.  We get busy.  Our intentions are always there, though.  Lots of emails, lots of hugs as we pass in the hallway, lots of plans are made and broken.  Then a couple of weeks go by and I realize that I haven’t seen my friend in a while.  Emails aren't answered, phones just ring and my senses tell me something is amiss.  Today, I see her online.  First time in ages, and I’m so excited. I shoot off an IM…”OMG, you’re alive!  YAY!!”  "Yes, Weeble", she says to me.  "I’m here".  “How are you?”, I ask…

Things are not well.  As she tells me more, my heart begins to hurt.  As she tells me more, I selfishly think how happy I am that we are “talking” on IM, so she can’t see the tears welling up in my eyes, and she wouldn't have to hear my voice crack as I tried to summon up something positive to say.  “My friend”, I type to her through IM, “we will get together, even if only for tea, the moment you are feeling well enough to do so.”  I mean those words with every ounce of my being.

I have never been one to dwell on the urgency of doing things now because ‘there may not be a tomorrow’.  I’m not a fool.  I know that no one is promised tomorrow.  I've lost enough people to know that better than a lot of people my age, I suppose.

That said, I have a couple of friends at this assignment that I have the same kind of relationship with.  I think this week I am going to go find them one by one, plant myself in their offices, and not get up until we leave together to go have lunch.  They can put the phone down.  They can log off their computers for 30 minutes.  So can I.  Something tells me we’ll all be happy we did so.

GUILTY!!! Right?

By now most of my military brothers and sisters have probably read or heard about Air Force Lt Col Krusinski being arrested and charged with sexual assault of a female here in the DC metro area.  To be honest, I didn’t see the police report so “sexual assault” may or may not have been what he was actually charged with.  Either way, with the public eye’s spotlight on all things “Sexual Assault” related in the military today, the media is having a FIELD DAY with this story.  Now, I will say this….I wasn’t there.  I don’t know who he is, and didn’t see what happened.  I don’t profess to know what happened.  What I do know is this:  The media has tried, convicted, and punished this man already.  I read this story on 3 different news outlets and people are practically screaming for this man’s penis to be hung in the town center and burned at the stake along with all the leaders in the military at large.

While I am quite sure that there are a plethora of females who will no doubt excommunicate me from woman-land for this, I have to say that today, right now, he’s judged unfairly.  Did his do this?  Perhaps.  Is he guilty as assumed?  Perhaps.  But today, this hour, this minute, he is an American citizen.  And as such today, this hour, this minute, he is INNOCENT until proven otherwise.  The day we start hanging all people based solely upon the word of another, is a sad, sad day for our country and its justice system. 

This is especially important in cases of sexual assault accusations.  There are plenty of women out there who cry “sexual assault” only after they have made poor decisions that they later regret.  This may or may not be the case here.  But you know what?  I WASN'T THERE.  Furthermore, I am not the lawyer, or judge, or a member of any jury.   

If he is found or pleads guilty, then the banshees can carry on however they chose. 

And...?

Yesterday was a bad day for Boston.  It was a bad day for America.  But you know what?  It was Boston.  Don’t fuck with a Bostonian, man.  You mess with that bull, you’ll get the horns!  Thing is, I heard the same rage from the New Yorkers in 1993 and in 2001.   Believe me.  I was one of them.  Passionate.  Angry.  Insulted.  They should be.  The bad guys smacked us in the face again.  We The People are pissed.  I promise you that.

Don’t you worry about it, though.  Our government assures us that the person(s) responsible will suffer the full consequences of their actions.  How DARE they do that to us?  AGAIN!  So what exactly will be these “consequences” that the guilty parties will suffer?  My guess is nothing.  Not a thing.  The U.S. hasn't done anything about any of the other incidents yet except bow up its chest and bark.  Lots of finger waging, though.  “SHAAMMMME on you bad bullies”, say we.  We’re REALLY mad now!  Oh, if you do it again, we’ll get even MORE MAD”, cry us.

It’s ok though,  I feel pretty sure that five weeks from now, when our government is through jerking it’s knee, all the citizens in the U.S. will have to strip down to our skivvies to enter any sporting event, TSA checkpoint, or our own office buildings.  That’ll learn us.

And furthermore...

In the same vane as my previous post about 4 minutes ago, it occurs to me that this doesn't only happen in meetings or in the corporate setting.  No, sir (and I mean NO).  It happens in restaurants too!  Think about it, it's dessert time.  Waiter comes around and asks if anyone would like some dessert.  I might say "Oh, yes please!" (especially if it's a nice chocolate dish of some kind) and my dining partner will say "No, thank you.  I'll just have some of hers. Bring two spoons."  I'm sorry, what?  So what you meant to say was, in fact, "Yes, I'd like some dessert too, please."  Even if you said simply, "Yes, we'll share one", it's better than "No" followed by all the reasons why it's actually "Yes".

What makes you think I wanna share my decadent chocolate masterpiece with you anyway???  Rude.

No. But Yes.

Why is it that-- without exception--during every meeting at the point when they ‘go around the room’ to see if anyone has anything more to add, people always say “No, just…”  For example…Colonel XX says to Major XX, “Major XX, do you have any updates for the group?”  Maj XX says “No, just one thing I want to point out…” 

Really?  If you have something to say, say it.  You’ve been asked so that’s fine.  But when you’re asked if you have something to say, don’t start off with “NO” and then continue on with your hour-long tirade.  What’s wrong with saying, “Yes, I would like to say…”?  Why does EVERYONE insist on saying “NO” followed by a bunch of crap?  It’s bad enough to hear you talking about a bunch of useless information that means nothing to anyone except for you, but to hear that nanosecond of a tease in the form of “No” followed by “just…” is downright mean.

She Should Lose Her License Completely...

There’s a news story out today about a woman who was given a ticket for going 63 in a 65.  Yes, that’s right.  She was ticketed for going too slowly in the posted zone.  These stories are being reported from the side of how WRONG it was for the cop to give someone a ticket for going too slowly.  Well here’s what I think…

This was a woman (hereto forth known as IDIOT), who was driving on the Maryland side of DC, in the LEFT LANE of an 8 lane superhighway (I know this because I’ve driven it before) endangering EVERYONE else on the road because this IDIOT chose to drive TOO slowly.  Oh, the wind and weather was a factor, say you?  Gusts of up to 40mph, you say?  Then GET IN THE RIGHT LANE AND BE A PUSSY OVER THERE.

We’ve all been behind this person before.  We’ve all wished there was a cop around to witness this hazard of the highway…this danger to all the other drivers on the road…so they can give them a ticket and stop the madness. 

The ticket should stand.  The cop who wrote it should be given a medal.

I Acknowledged You. Your Turn.

As an introvert, I’ve never been a big fan of greetings.  Giving or receiving.  “Hello’s”  “Good morning’s”, “Goodbye’s” “Congratulations” or whatever.   Blah.  I do it because it’s socially expected and there are certain things a person has to do in order to NOT be labeled as awkward, socially inept, or just downright rude. 

My uncle Dan was one of the few people I have met in my lifetime who could get away with ignoring opening pleasantries (or any pleasantries, really).  That’s mainly because he was a genius in other areas and saying something other than the direct point he was trying to get across was a waste of valuable time.  I always got a kick out of it when he called me.  The phone would ring, I’d pick up, say “hello?” and there’d be uncle Dan, “You need to buy 1000 shares of XXXX and sell 300 shares of YYY.  Do it now.” *click!*  I’m not sure he heard my “hello” and I think he’d hung up before I even had a chance to say “OK, goodbye.”  This was ok.  I knew he loved me.  I understood him and all his eccentricities.

99% of the rest of the world is not like that and are not afforded the same privileges that Uncle Dan had, to be eccentric.   Period.  Most of all not the people in the building I work in.

Human nature causes our eyes to be drawn to whatever might be in a room or area that we enter.  When you enter an elevator alone, your eyes are drawn to the buttons to push, and then you will reflexively watch the floor counter tick off the floors one by one until it’s time for your to get off.  If you walk into that same elevator with other people in it…awkward!  Now, you are fighting the natural instinct to pay attention to what is in the room WITH you and you have to FORCE yourself to look at, oh, ANYTHING else besides the person right next to you.  It’s all good.  You don’t know them, they don’t know you, you don’t really care how their day is going and you have no desire to share how your day is going with them.  You just want to keep to yourself.   It works out well.  Don’t make eye contact and all is understood.  Human nature.

We have long hallways at work.  Just as you wouldn’t say “hi” to every one of the hundred people walking past you down the street in Manhattan, you wouldn’t say “hi” to every one walking past you in a hallway either.  However, if you are walking past someone in a hallway of an office building, one for one, and your eyes, naturally drawn to the only other thing in the hallway, meet, connect, and stay there until such time as it becomes acceptable to say “hi”, nod, smile, or acknowledge in any other way, then you should do it.  If you’re looking down, away, at your phone, or what have you, then fine.  No acknowledgement necessary.   Now for me, someone who really finds greetings unnecessary and generally “blah”, even I will acknowledge a person passing me by in the hallway in that instance.  I cannot tell you how often  it gets to the point where our physical proximity is close enough to socially require that I acknowledge with either a “hello”, a smile, a “good morning” or whatever, and the person while still looking directly at me, simply ignores my greeting.   Not even so much as a smile.  Looking right at me.   At least 5 times per day this happens.   Well you know what?  I didn’t want to acknowledge your presence either.  Fuck you, too.

"Critical Thinking" Fail

When I worked for Bank Of America, I became Six Sigma “Green Belt” certified.  I remember when we started learning about the Six Sigma principles and concepts, it seem pretty easy.  They presented it to us using very basic math.  Mathematically, sigma refers to the number of defects per million.   Apply that to company “A” who produces widgets and it simply means you can have something like 3 faulty widgets for every 6 million you produce.  Easy peasy.  My mind can grasp that.

What my mind couldn’t process was how you could apply the principles of that math to an entity that doesn’t produce anything.  “Oh, but you CAN”, they say with confidence and assurance.  So the group of us worked for weeks to apply these stupid six sigma principles to something that can’t even BE quantified let alone corrected to a point of six sigma.  I clearly recall sitting there as everyone else was working like little lemmings on our “project” thinking,  am I the only one who can see that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes?

Fast forward to today.  The powers that be have decided that they want a quarterly report of all contracts that cost us money in the form of a powerpoint.  Got it.  They want it in a very specific form with very specific information.  Project centric.  What is the total cost of the project the contract was purchased to complete, when did it start, what is its estimated completion date, risks, issues, etc.  They even give us a nice example of a powerpoint and what it needs to contain.  However, my contract isn’t a project centric contract.  Can’t look anything like what they want.  At all.  There’s no “project” cost, estimated completion dates, etc.  It’s more of a service contract.  But they want it how they want it.  Using the example that doesn’t apply to us.  But apparently I’m the only idiot.  Square peg, round hole.  Emperor is naked again.  Its days like today when 6.5 years until retirement feels like a prison sentence rather than a goal. 

I want to work the night shift cleaning empty office buildings for a living.  Seriously.